Because I’m so stressed out by the state of the country right now—and the world in general, for that matter—I find myself a bit short-tempered. Things that I used to take in stride now cause me to lash out in angry outbursts. Behavior, which my mom used to say, is singularly unattractive.
Quick tempers can result from chronic stress, poor sleep, and unmet needs. Basically, our emotional needs are depleted which causes us to overreact to small frustrations. Essentially the simmering pot begins to boil over.
Experts explain that root causes for escalating anger fall into three categories.
Physical and biological factors. We may have chronic stress from work or life challenges which can also result in sleep deprivation, limiting our ability to handle small frustrations. Neurological and hormonal differences also fall into this category—conditions such as ADHD, depression, and PTSD.
Psychological and emotional factors. Sometimes we assume someone has a serious character flaw when maybe they just made a mistake. Or we may have unprocessed emotions which cause us to fail to set healthy boundaries and allow resentments to build until minor triggers cause outbursts. And sometimes past traumas or grief can heighten sensitivities, causing exaggerated responses to everyday situations.
Environmental and behavioral factors. Perhaps we grew up in a chaotic disruptive household where anger was the primary mode of communication, and we never truly learned constructive ways to process frustration. And sometimes we may just have unrealistic expectations, and when reality fails to match those expectations, the resulting frustrations can manifest as anger.
One of the reasons I’ve been so angry lately is the obscene waste of money that’s occurring in D.C. right now—brutal UFC fights on the White House lawn, reflecting pools, arches, golf courses, patios, and more. Last week I got an email offering an opportunity to buy tickets to watch the fireworks at the Kennedy Center for a mere $25,000.
And don’t even get me started on the $1 billion taxpayer fiasco coined Alligator Alcatrez which is currently being dismantled. Detainees were subjected to severe human rights violations, medical neglect, and cruel living conditions. Protected wetlands were degraded and wildlife was disrupted.
So, if “You’re mad as hell and can’t take it anymore” (that’s the famous line from the movie Network), what should you do to calm down and diffuse the tendency to lash out with an unbecoming angry response? Here are some techniques which I’ve been working on.
Practice deep breathing exercises to physically slow down the heart rate and calm the body’s fight or flight mechanism.
Take a strategic time out before responding to a comment you may receive about your unbelievable ignorance.
Lighten the mood with humor but try to avoid sarcasm.
On the political front, take constructive actions to achieve goals that matter. For example, focus on candidates running in swing states. Or write letters to representatives about the treatment of immigrants and the separation of children from their parents, including those affected on the Eastern Shore.
Take a brisk walk with your pet to burn off excess stress hormones!
Brew a cup of delicious chamomile, green, or lavender and lemon tea which acts as a time out.
Retreat to a screened porch and delight in the hummingbirds that feast on nearby salvia plants.
Call a friend who always makes you laugh.
Read an uplifting novel that serves as a complete escape into another place and time.
Turn off the news and listen to classical music. Chesapeake Music, Mid-Atlantic Symphony, and OCC concerts are always a good idea.
[Also, there is something called the 4 R’s method. You recognize that your anger is starting to build. You then retreat—remove yourself from the trigger. Reflect—think about the underlying causes. And then respond–return and express your needs calmly.
I’ve also been reading about what famous people have said about angry outbursts. Here are just a few examples.
Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one. Benjamin Franklin
Anger is only one letter short of danger. Eleanor Roosevelt
There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help and what they cannot. Plato
When anger rises, think of the consequences. Confucius.
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Buddha.
Dear readers, something tells me that the coming months will be quite stressful. We are dealing with wars, inflation, upcoming elections, a perilous economy, and lots of vitriol. Sounds like just the right time to focus on ways to diffuse that anger and give peace a chance.