Lately my conversations with friends have had a similar theme. Their talks go something like this: “When I was younger, I didn’t worry too much about making decisions about something fairly major because I thought if it doesn’t work out—if I make a mistake—no worries. I have time to change course. Now I don’t want to make a mistake that I might not have time to correct.”
Decisions they grapple with include the following:
I don’t know whether I should sell my house and move closer to my children. I worry that I will need to be closer to them as I get older, but I love where I am. I have lots of friends here and am pretty dug in.
I haven’t been to some places on my bucket list, but I hesitate to book the trip. The world is in such turmoil. Plus, it seems I read about earthquakes and floods almost every week.
I don’t like what’s happening in this country. I don’t even want to be associated with the direction where things are headed. But it’s scary to sell everything and move to Portugal or Costa Rica. What if it turns out to be a bad decision?
After my dad died suddenly, my mom just kind of checked out. She ended up living another 12 years. I don’t want to check out and waste the good years I have left.
I have an eye on a new house I’d like to buy, but what if it’s a mistake? Maybe it’s better to stick with the devil you know. What if the house turns out to be a lemon and has all kinds of problems, and I wish I had stayed put?
My dog died a few months ago, and I miss having a dog. But I’m not sure I have the energy for another dog, and I’m not sure it’s fair to the dog.
I’m tired of living in a big city with all the hassles, traffic, and expenses. I’m thinking about moving to a small town but what if when I get there, I’m bored, and I miss all the variety and access to public transportation, Ubers, etc.?
I have a part-time job that’s ok. I know the drill. A former colleague reached out to me with an opportunity that’s very intriguing, but I’m relatively happy where I am, and my current situation gives me the freedom to do the things I want to do.
I’ve never traveled by myself before, but there’s a trip I want to go on that is a guided tour with a small group of people. I wonder if it would be weird to be there on my own. Will I be the only solo traveler?
Here is some advice from the experts about making decisions when you are older.
Avoid rushing. Take some time for careful thought. Find a quiet place to write down your thoughts or talk things over with experts or trusted loved ones.
Use your experience. Trust your wisdom and make sure you stay in control of the process. Identify your core values when you look at options. Don’t sell yourself short.
Focus on what matters. Stop worrying about pleasing others or following strict social expectations. Don’t waste a lot of time doing things you really don’t want to do.
Pursue passions and purpose. Look for activities and goals that bring you personal joy and fulfillment.
Five additional essential pieces of life advice include:
Savor the small moments. Find daily joy in simple things.
Prioritize meaningful connections. Nurture relationships and time spent with loved ones. Speak your truth. Do not hold back on words of love, gratitude, or forgiveness while you still have the chance.
Embrace active acceptance. Stop fighting reality. Fighting things you cannot change—like aging—only drains your energy. Accept your current challenges so you can put your energy into things you can actually control.
Live without regret. Say yes more often. People seldom regret new experiences they try. Pursue what makes you happy rather than worrying about what other people think. Don’t waste a lot of time thinking about “what could have been” or regretting your past mistakes.
A traditional Hasidic saying goes as follows: ‘For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned, it is the season of the harvest.” Hear, hear! I say, go forth and reap your just rewards.
