Why Do So Many Republican Men Try to Control Women’s’ Destinies? By Maria Grant

Let’s be honest. Too many Republican men are obsessed with control. They want to control women’s decisions about their bodies. They believe they have the right to decide such issues. Why? Because they think they know what is best.

Even nice guys—like Tim Scott, the Republican senator from South Carolina who now seeks the Republican nomination for president– has admitted that if he had his way, he would enforce extremely strict abortion laws. 

It is ironic that these men insist they have the right to decide—to control women. Yet these same men want minimal controls over gun purchases and possessions. And these same men who cavalierly tell women what they can and cannot do with their bodies have no clue what health or financial issues these women may face. Already in states where stricter abortion laws have been enforced, several women have dealt with life-threatening issues because doctors were afraid or not allowed to help them. 

These men also try to control the type of women with whom they associate. Donald Trump talks about who is “his type” and who is not. There is no conversation about intellect, compatibility, sense of humor, and partnership among equals. Instead, it is an analysis of looks—not that dissimilar to judging livestock at a county fair. The ultimate question is would she be appropriate “arm candy” to enhance his viral image. 

Mike Pence seems to have missed the whole concept of professional colleagues of the opposite sex—equal peers interacting with each other. He has said he will not even have a business lunch or dinner alone with a woman unless his wife is there to chaperon. Perhaps the woman might want to put the moves on him? Or he would not want anyone to get the wrong idea so why risk it?

Then there is the illustrious fist-pumping Republican senator from Missouri Josh Hawley who has just published a book called Manhood. In this enriching self-help book, he tells men how to be strong—how to take control—how to be a dominant male who rules the roost. 

This need to control filters through all aspects of life. In our community in Florida, men, most of them enthusiastic Republicans, tend to nominate each other to head neighborhood boards. They then proceed to decide what trees may be trimmed, what vendors will be employed, and what decisions will be made on pest control, etc. Former CEOs of small companies, they now have become rulers of small neighborhoods. And they have miraculously become experts on a variety of home-owner areas. Who knew? 

One neighbor patronizingly explained to me the difference between Republicans and Democrats. He said, “All you need to know is that Democrats want more government; Republicans want less.”  I started to object saying that I did not think it was quite that simple. “What about DeSantis wanting to control what books are in schools and what curriculums should be taught.” I asked. “You are mixing apples and oranges,” he said. “I know things. Listen to me.” I did and silently thanked him for confirming my thesis about Republican men.

I have collaborated with men who respect women’s intellect and experience—who are not threatened by them. I have worked with men who mentor and coach women and who help them to achieve their career goals. I also have worked with men who do not call on women in meetings and who dismiss a woman’s suggestion or idea and then proceed to restate that same suggestion or idea as their own. 

The thing about the need for control is that it seldom ends well. Think Putin, Hitler, or Napoleon. One cannot imagine that Putin’s desire to control Ukraine will end well. 

 A healthy discussion—a give and take—is a beautiful thing. It means new and innovative ideas are considered. It means one person does not have all the answers. It means people who are experts in different areas come to the table because most issues at the forefront in today’s society are complicated. It is necessary to peel back the onion—to see all sides of an issue—to find workable solutions. Strong leaders know how to delegate and trust teams to derive workable solutions. Strong leaders embrace equity—valuing the input of everyone—and do not ignore or attempt to control people with different points of view. 

Donald Trump is not a very stable genius. He is quite the opposite. Already Ron DeSantis is exhibiting his need to control—banning books, marginalizing LGBQQT+ people, and remaking Florida’s higher education system to conform to his own beliefs. 

Let us applaud leaders who embrace partnership and equity, leaders who listen to others and share power. Let us celebrate leaders who give their teams space to do their jobs and welcome alternative ideas. Simply stated, let us support leaders who do not feel the need to control everything and everyone. As Plato once said, “The measure of a man is what he does with power.” Amen.

Maria Grant was principal-in-charge of a federal human capital practice at an international consulting firm. While on the Eastern Shore, she focuses on writing, music, reading, gardening, and nature.