It is that time of the year. The hydrangeas are blooming everywhere. Mostly pink, but some blue hydrangeas are brightening our gardens. In my garden, gooseneck loosestrife is also blooming, it is a beautiful companion flower that has a white flower head in the shape of a goose neck and head.

Not only is it time to enjoy them outside, but hydrangeas also sparkle inside. It is an inexpensive way to bring beauty into our homes.

I looked for research on why bringing flowers inside is a good idea. I only found two studies, both commissioned by floral associations. 

But there is something to be said about fresh flowers in your home. They brighten up the indoors, they bring the outdoors inside. Flowers make our home just a little prettier. Some people enjoy the scents, especially those from peonies whose sweet scent wafts throughout the room. 

Flowers make us feel better. Hospitals have green areas and many patients have some kind of floral arrangement supplied by a caring person.

Just gazing at flowers can reduce stress. They make me smile every time I look at them.

Recently, I received a generous floral arrangement, it made my day. To be surrounded by such beautiful flowers that a loving person sent to me…how can I feel anything but joy?

There is some research that supports the benefits of flowers in the home and office. A Rutgers University study found that there is a link between flowers and life satisfaction. They concluded that presence of flowers in the environment triggers happy emotions and heightens feelings of satisfaction.

A study funded by a floral association in 2000 found that having fresh flowers in a workspace increased problem-solving abilities, boosted creative thoughts, and helped workers generate ideas. Participants in this eight-month study performed a series of problem-solving tasks in three common office environments: a workplace with plants and flowers, a workplace with abstract sculptures, and a workplace with no embellishments. Both male and female participants demonstrated more innovative thinking and generated more ideas and original solutions in settings with plants and flowers. Men who participated in the study generated 15% more ideas when working in the plant and flower surroundings. Females were more creative and flexible when plants and flowers were in the workspace.

Some of us just love flowers. On the Internet, I found that people who love flowers are described as having traits like kindness, sensitivity, and an appreciation for beauty and nature. Flower lovers are also frequently associated with being thoughtful, nurturing, and observant. But this is written by people who love flowers or people in the business of flowers, so I don’t give it much credence. 

But what we do know is that flowers bought in the grocery store, delivered by a florist or picked from your backyard, just make the house a little bit happier.  

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

Every morning, I rise at 5 a.m., wishing that I could sleep longer. But my circadian rhythm and the beautiful melodies of the birds prevent me from returning to my slumber. My dogs agree with the birds that it is time to rise. They are in a hurry to gulp down their meal.

I shower and dress. Then I go downstairs to make my morning tea. While the tea is steeping, I feed my impatient canines, who bark in eager anticipation.

After basic needs are cared for, I do my morning ritual of affirmation. Sometimes I light a candle but usually I just sit in a chair and thank God for all of my blessings. It is a very long list.

Then I catch up on emails and texts and read quietly. Pretty soon, it is time to take my excited little pals for a walk on the nature trail. We walk about a mile, which is as long as my elderly Maltese can manage with his damaged heart. They love their walk; it is a time to sniff all manner of scents that I cannot and do not wish to smell. They watch for bunnies and squirrels and hope that someday the leash gives out and they can catch them.

This is my routine, but I also refer to this as my ritual. So, I ask myself, what is the difference between a routine and a ritual? I typically treat the words as synonymous. But apparently there is a difference.

According to the experts, the difference between a ritual and a routine lies in their purpose. Routines are focused on efficiency and getting things done, while rituals add intention and meaning. Routines are usually done on autopilot, whereas rituals are approached with mindfulness and awareness.

So, based on this definition, most of my morning is a series of routines, with the exception of the affirmation of gratitude. While a regular walk in nature is often a ritual, my dogs prevent me from being lost in nature as I have to attend to their bodily and sensory needs.

Both routines and rituals are important. Routines allow me to get things done that I don’t want to do. Part of my morning routine is to make a list of what must be done that day…the interesting and dull. And since my list includes exercise and other healthy habits, it improves my well-being.

Routines provide structure and predictability which can reduce stress and anxiety, and improve focus and productivity. Experts believe that routines create a sense of control and predictability, reduce decision fatigue and improve concentration. If the list or routine includes healthy habits (e.g., exercise, diet, sleep schedule), it can improve physical well-being. My list allows me to schedule my day according to my tasks at hand.

Rituals, on the other hand, typically tap into a number of senses. Smell, visual, touch and hearing are all included in most rituals. Rituals have the benefit of enhancing social bonds (when it is a group ritual), connecting us to our values, reducing anxiety and stress, and increasing feelings of happiness and joy. Group rituals such as community gatherings can strengthen social connections. I play Mahjong with my neighbors, which has given me a better connection to community.

Rituals are a part of our everyday life. Religious services are full of rituals. In Christianity, it is the chants, the affirmations, the familiar songs sung in unison by the participants. The cadence and rhythm have a calming effect. Rituals are especially helpful during grief and loss, when positive energy is desperately needed. Mindfulness and affirmations can help reflect on what is important and align our actions with our values.

Routines and rituals, of course, can be hurtful if done to the extreme. Some people have obsessive-compulsive disorders that cause these rituals to take control. In addition, it is important to be gentle with ourselves, especially when we include health and wellness routines.

So, no matter how trivial, our routines and rituals are a part of our nature, and that’s a good thing.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

We’ve been in the middle of a heat dome. The term “heat dome” is not a scientific term; it is more of a media creation, but it effectively describes these cycles of prolonged and high heat.

The term has only been around since the 2000’s and started being regularly used in 2011. The American Meteorological Society added the term to its glossary in 2022. The 2021 heat wave in the western US and Canada, brought the term heat dome into our day-to-day lingo.

A heat dome is a high-pressure system that traps hot air underneath it, leading to prolonged, dangerously high temperatures with little relief day or night. It can last days or even weeks.

A heat dome is analogous to placing a lid over a pot on the stove. The steam builds, the temperature rises, and everything inside gets hotter and hotter. That’s essentially what happens in the atmosphere during a heat dome. A high atmospheric pressure system traps hot air over a region, creating extremely high temperatures and humidity. This high-pressure system acts like a lid, keeping the warm air from dispersing.

The high pressure also causes the hot air to sink, increasing our discomfort. In the west, dry soil and sparse vegetation can create perfect conditions for heat dome systems to form and perpetuate.

Heat domes can last for several days or weeks. And because they block other weather systems from moving in and the jet stream is weaker, there’s often no rain to cool things down. An occasional thunderstorm is all the relief available, and it is only temporary.

What makes heat domes especially dangerous is that they prevent nighttime temperatures from falling. This lack of overnight relief can strain power grids, dry out vegetation, worsen droughts and take a serious toll on human health, especially in urban areas.

Climate change is creating more heat domes. Global warming is weakening the jet stream, leading to more persistent weather patterns that trap heat. Warmer ocean and land temperatures further amplify the effects of heat domes.

As our climate warms, heat domes are becoming stronger, more frequent and more persistent. The number of heat domes has nearly tripled since the 1950s.

So the sweltering continues…sigh.

Before I begin my day each morning, I spend a few minutes thinking about what I am grateful for (which is a very long list, I have been blessed).

One of the things that I was grateful for this weekend was the gift of living in a country that allows us to express our opinions publicly without fear.

I attended the “No Kings” rally in Easton. It was a chance to be with people, most of whom I did not know, who shared my values.

All of the thousand people who protested at this peaceful rally were well-behaved. And so were the people in the cars going by. People who agreed waved and honked. People who disagreed either gave a negative gesture or ignored us. 

The respect from both sides was heartening. Protest is what started this country (although the original protests resulted in the Revolutionary War). Over the years, protests have influenced politics. The Vietnam war, equal rights, women’s rights, anti-abortion, and other protests have resulted in changes to our way of life. All, for the most part, began as peaceful demonstrations of disagreement, when violence erupted it was usually from people with opposing viewpoints who were not so well-behaved.

The ability to disagree and express our opinions is foundational, the first amendment in our Constitution. And while I have taken these rights for granted in the past, I am moving them up to the top of my very long gratitude list.

The protest was affirming, and it also reminds me what a precious gift it is.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

Most of us are not getting enough protein in our diets. 

In adults weighing 150 pounds, scientists recommend a minimum of 54 – 80 grams of protein per day (with some recommending 136 grams of protein per day). That is a lot of protein. Specific protein needs vary based on age, activity level, and individual goals (e.g., weightlifters, fitness activists).

And, as we age, our protein needs increase in order for us to maintain muscle mass and overall health. For older people, a minimum of 68 or more grams are recommended for someone of 150 pounds. While the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) for older adults is still the same as for younger adults, emerging research suggests that older adults need more protein.

Aging causes our body to become less efficient at using protein for muscle growth and repair, a phenomenon called anabolic resistance. Sufficient protein intake is crucial for slowing or preventing muscle loss. Adequate protein intake helps maintain our muscle mass, which is vital for mobility, independence, and overall quality of life. 

So, we need to start counting our protein and most likely we will find that we are not getting enough. Dieticians recommend eating lean meats, dairy, poultry, fish, eggs, beans, lentils, and nuts throughout the day. Some recommend using protein supplements. It is also important to spread protein intake across multiple meals to optimize muscle protein synthesis. (But don’t go over recommended amounts of protein as it will cause extra work for the kidneys.)

Exercise plays a part as well. People who exercise regularly, especially those who use some sort of weight training, require more protein for muscle repair and growth. Also, those of us trying to lose weight need a higher protein intake, as protein helps with feeling full and can aid in burning more calories. 

Any movement is important in keeping up muscle mass. A 2022 study found taking regular, short walking breaks after eating improved the body’s ability to turn dietary proteins into the muscle. 

So we don’t just need to consume more protein as we age, it is also important that we move as well. Building muscle by movement, exercise and weight training is important for translating what we eat into muscle mass and flushing damaged proteins from our muscles. To effectively use and store protein, we have to do some form of movement.

Personally, I started watching my protein intake the beginning of the year and I realized that I was not getting nearly enough protein. Since increasing my protein, I have noticed that I have much more energy and feel healthier. 

But getting enough protein is still hard, but it is worth it.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I am a bit of a clean freak. I keep my home relatively pristine.

Nevertheless, I recognize that the best things in life are messy. Families are messy. Relationships are messy. Friends are messy. Children are messy. Dogs are messy. Gardens are messy. Boats are messy. Basically, everything that matters is usually messy

I suspect that part of my cleanliness is a way of keeping some order in the messiness in my life. Cleanliness is something that I can control. 

But a messy life a happy life. 

I host a Gingerbread House party every year after Thanksgiving. With my large family, anywhere from 15 to 20 children and adults arrive to decorate Christmas gingerbread houses, all at once. It is mayhem. Some of the decorators are children and when they are done, there is candy everywhere. Fortunately, my daughter and her husband have assumed the bulk of the cleaning duties.

Even after the cleaning, the house is messy. For weeks, I find candy in all kinds of places, wiping off icing in areas that I didn’t know children could reach. And I love it. I enjoy watching the kids eat the candies that they put on the gingerbread houses. I love their inspired creations. One time, one of my grand nephews selected a Gingerbread house that had been damaged. It had a hole in the roof, so he made the hole bigger and filled it with candy so that he could use the gingerbread house as a candy jar. 

The adults (my nieces and nephews) are just as amusing, sometimes competitive, but the results are festive and beautiful. At the end, we award prizes to the children. And it just so happens that all the children end up winning some kind of prize. Some examples of prizes are houses with the most green candies, or the house with the most candy (you get the picture). It is a lot of fun. And it is as messy as messy gets.

Friend relationships can be messy, and it takes persistence to maintain them. But they wouldn’t be as strong if they weren’t messy. Spousal relationships are particularly messy and just like friendships it takes persistence to get through the down-periods and to enjoy the good periods without resentment from the down times. My dogs are messy, tracking in all kinds of dirt. My garden is messy, thanks the weeds and the bunnies.

And family, that can be the messiest of all. But family, when you accept the messiness, are there for you for life. 

So, a messy life is a complicated life. But I know for those of us who are blessed with children, grandchildren, spouses, friends, dogs, gardens and all manner of hobbies, we would not trade that messiness for anything in the world.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I returned from Florida last week and was reviewing my recent mail. I received my sewer bill and an envelope that looked like a duplicate of the sewer bill, I started to toss it, but I opened it anyway.

It was a whopper. It said that my house was being put up for auction for an unpaid bill of approximately $500. I had several days to go to the Talbot County office and pay the bill to prevent it from appearing the paper, I complied, but they advertised it anyway. 

My immediate question was, what bill? Like most people, I get my bills and then I pay them right away. But I had never received this bill.

At first, I thought that this was a scam, who would put up a house for auction for $500 in arrears? But I called and went to the Talbot Office and sure enough, my home had been listed for sale at auction to recoup a $500 payment.

Researching this with the town of St Michaels, it turned out I was supposed to be getting a bill online, but I never received it. Apparently, I was 5 payments in arrears for water. I paid my sewer bill on time (thinking like my other municipality that sewer and water were linked) and had no idea that I was not paying bills that I never received. We verified over the phone that I had never gotten a bill (by searching through scam folders and all other folders with keywords that yielded no bill). In addition, they confirmed that I was not getting a bill by mail.

My first question for the town: Why didn’t someone call me or send a letter letting me know about these bills? Why didn’t they warn me that they would send this to Talbot County to have my house put up for auction? They could also have looked up my payments and seen that I was paying my sewer and taxes on time, so I was likely not receiving this water bill. They could have shut my water off. Instead, they chose to send it to Talbot County to place the home up for auction. 

In fact, the first letter I received about this process was the notice that my home was being advertised for sale at the upcoming auction. I never received any notice from St Michaels that they would be sending my bill to Talbot County to have my house put up for auction. Had I delayed my return from Florida, my home would be auctioned off without my knowing about it.

How can this happen in a town with approximately 1,000 residents? I had a similar experience in a large town, where we had not paid a couple of sewer/water bills while my husband was in hospice. I got a notice by mail that the bill had been unpaid, I called and explained and paid the bill immediately.

Instead of any notifications, St. Michaels, choose the method of auctioning off my home.

I spoke with the new Town Manager, Don Richardson, about this unlikely chain of events; he indicated that he had been on the job for 6 weeks and that he would be looking into it.

For now, all citizens of St Michaels should know (a) if you are behind in your bills (in my case it was 5 payments), your home will be auctioned off, no matter the amount owed, (b) St Michaels will not verify that the bills are being received, (c) you will receive no notification from the St Michaels that they are putting your house up for auction through Talbot County, (d) you will only receive notification from Talbot County when the home is being advertised for sale, but it won’t matter if you pay the bill in cash and on time, they will still advertise your home for auction, and (e) water and sewer bills are separate.

I guess small towns are not so small after all.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

In business we talk about the four stages of a group’s development: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing.

The first stage, forming, is the initial stage where the group is being put together, team members join, and they establish the mission, goals and general ground rules. There’s a focus on learning about roles, expectations, and getting to know each other. This is one of the exciting phases, when all is new and possible. 

The second stage, storming, is when the group first begins and roles are new, there may be conflict or disagreement as people test the waters and see who has responsibility. There is also an air of excitement as group members join and drop out depending on the situation. 

At the norming stage, most conflicts are resolved, rules and goals are set, role responsibilities are clearer, and norms begin to be established. Team members begin to work more cohesively. 

The final stage, performing, the team has reached its “steady state” and is its most productive, focused on achieving goals, and collaborating effectively. 

However, I believe that there is more to the performing phase of group development, and in my opinion, that is the most important. Perseverance. 

Perseverance is our effort to achieve something despite difficulties, setbacks, or opposition. It’s the quality of sticking with something until it’s finished, even when it’s challenging. Essentially, it’s the ability to keep going, especially when we want to quit.

I am reading the book How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Budde. You may know her as the Episcopal Bishop of Washington, courageous enough to speak her values when challenged.

In one of her chapters she covers perseverance, the ability to fail and not quit, the ability to learn from mistakes and continue on. She describes her own mistakes and those of Madeline Albright and how Dr. Albright learned to recognize and attempt to fix her mistakes as she persevered despite criticism and frustration. In her autobiography, Madam Secretary: A Memoir (a whopping 920 pages), she wrote a paragraph about perseverance so powerful …my words cannot do it justice.

I have spent a lifetime looking for remedies for all manner of life’s problems, personal, social, political, global. I believe that we can recognize truth when we see it, just not at first and not without ever relenting in our effort to know more. This is because the goal we see and the good we hope for comes not as a final reward, but as the hidden companion to our quest. It is not what we find, but the reason we cannot stop looking and striving that tells us why we are here.

Perseverance is the hardest part of any process. When we see a group member frustrating the group’s ambitions, it is easy to quit or shut down rather than try to work through it. When we make our own mistakes, it is hard to own up to them in the group. Perseverance is when we want to walk away, but we know that we need to stay.

In her book, Budde talks about her own experience. She arrived at her dream church, a church that was growing, vibrant and committed to social justice; only to find that underneath this success were relationship, leadership, and infrastructure issues. She had to go through the difficult process of helping the leadership and getting funding for infrastructure, a necessary but challenging part of church leadership.

Perseverance applies not just to groups or work but also to ourselves in our everyday life, especially with relationships. Marriages, friendships, and family have their ups and downs. And if we don’t persevere, then we can lose them. Once they are lost, they could be lost forever. I have my own regrets about letting friends go when we got to difficult places. 

There is no trick to persevering, it is simply not letting temporary roadblocks become permanent. Remembering why we had a relationship in the first place before the differences and squabbles emerged. Sometimes it takes a cooling off period, but that can become permanent if we don’t persevere.

One of the secrets to a happy life is one full of friends and family. And, in most cases, that requires plain old perseverance.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michael’s and Key West, Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I am in the process of closing down my home in Florida and coming back to Maryland. It is hard. I don’t mean to attempt to garner any sympathy for my privileged life where I am able to hide out from the winter, but the transition is challenging.

So my question, is, why are transitions so challenging. 

Well for one, they disrupt routines. We like to live in predictable environments and routines. We find comfort in routines and in the familiar, and this makes adjusting to new situations, even positive ones, difficult. These transitions disrupt our habits, forcing us to re-start. Even positive transitions can involve a sense of loss, as we leave the familiar and embrace a different routine. In the case of major changes, the process of repacking old patterns and with different ones can be physically and emotionally draining. In my case I need to pack up my home, and take my two dogs on the plane and open up my home in Maryland.  

Transitions involve uncertainty which triggers fear, grief, and anxiety. As I close up my house, I wonder if I did everything, and then there are the worries about hurricanes in my absence. Larger transitions are frequently marked by greater uncertainty, such as a moving to a new home, making it difficult to anticipate the future and triggering anxiety and stress. 

Transitions can involve changes in social networks, which can intensify the stress of adaptation. In my case, I say goodbye to my neighbors in Florida and hello to my neighbors in Marland.

If we are transitioning into unknown territory, such as joining a new group or attending a party where we will not know many people, it can also evoke anxiety or fear. In a new situation, we feel unprepared, even though it’s normal to take time to adjust. 

Let’s face it, change is triggering and the one of the hardest places to be is in the transition, right before the change. The threshold of change is the most painful place to be, more difficult than the change that follows. So, it is easy to remain frozen on the threshold. 

Transitions are hard from the simple ones (such as mine) to the life-changing ones (such as a new baby or relocation), but what do the experts recommend that we do to cope? 

First, make a plan. If you can, create a list of tasks that need to be done and when will you do them. If it is something as major as a new baby, identify the people that you trust to give you advice. Knowing what to expect can reduce anxiety.

If appropriate, seek support from friends, family, or professionals. 

Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you comfort or joy while you are preparing.

Understand that it’s normal to experience a range of emotions during any transition. Be patient with yourself.

Most of all, stay flexible, embrace the unpredictability, and remain open to the opportunities they present.

The irony is that by the time this column is published, I will have completed this transition and be setting up different routines in Maryland. All this angst will be gone…yet will these tips help me feel better next time? Probably not.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

My dog, Gus, is grieving. He misses Annie, my cockapoo who died several weeks ago. I adopted Gus after I already had Annie, so he has only known a household with her. They were close, although they did not play together (neither of them learned play in their previous dwellings), they would sleep together and just hang out. Annie would find something to bark at and Gus would join her, full throttle. 

Now my household is quiet. Gus wants to be close to me, he wants extra petting. He has lost some interest in food (this is a dog who would sell me for a hot dog) and occasionally doesn’t come when it is “treat time.” He sleeps more, but mostly it is his way of walking, his head is down, his tail droops and he doesn’t seem to have his ebullient personality.

So, I looked it up. And experts agree that animals do grieve. It is well documented in elephants and primates. Even birds have displayed grieving behaviors. So, it makes sense that our pets would grieve as well. Here are some of the signs of a grieving pet.

• Loss of appetite or refusal to eat. According to a study, about 30% of pets have decreased appetite after loss.
• Changes in their sleep patterns. They may sleep more or less than usual, or become restless. In a New Zealand study, about 30% of grieving dogs and 20% of cats napped more. Grieving animals may even hide or rest in different locations. Gus used to be relatively independent, but now he must sleep right next to me, crowding me more than usual.
• Need extra attention, or even exhibit destructive behaviors like chewing or scratching. The New Zealand study found that about 60% of dogs and cats clung more to humans after the loss of a companion. Some animals may also experience separation anxiety or become withdrawn. 
• Less energetic or lose interest in usual activities like playing or going for walks. 
• Meowing, barking, or howling more than usual. In my case, Gus is unusually quiet and doesn’t bark like he used to (which my neighbors appreciate). 
• Searching for their lost companion. Approximately 60% of pets repeatedly look for lost companions in their normal napping spots. Out of my own grief, I discarded Annie’s dog bed and Gus spent the first couple of days going to that spot and sniffing around.
• Grieving can be so extreme that pets even experience urinary incontinence, labored breathing, and changes in grooming habits. A normally fastidious pet might soil the house or miss the litter box. Another sign is excessive or inadequate self-grooming. 

So, what to do? These are the recommendations that I found.

• Some experts recommend that the pet should see the companion after she is deceased. Annie died at home, but my dogs didn’t seem too interested, in fact they kept away, as they are afraid of veterinarians.
• Provide a consistent routine. Keep daily schedules for mealtimes, exercise times, play times, and bedtimes consistent.
• Try not to let your pet see your own grief, and most of all, do not lean on pets for support. Your grief may add to their own. 
• With the loss of a family member, the household dynamic could become be temporarily unstable. In multi-pet households, if there was a clear social hierarchy, the remaining pets may try to create a new social structure. If your pet is a sole survivor, she may be lonesome. In my case, my remaining two dogs are fighting, they never have before.
• In most cases, they don’t recommend immediately adopting a new pet, especially with cats. Cats that have been very attached to a special companion do not readily accept a new “stranger” into their home. 
• Spend extra time with your pet. Engage in interactions that you and your pet enjoy, such as daily walks or brushing (especially for cats). If your pet is pacing or vocalizing excessively, try to help him settle in a bed by feeding him treats.
• Allow time for adjustment. 

The experts recommend that if you do not feel like they are making progress, you should seek professional help, especially if pets are not eating. Cats and small dogs cannot afford to miss meals. 

But mostly, in my opinion, time is the healer, and patience is your go-to. Gus wants to be next to me all the time, even when I am working. He sleeps right against me…it is uncomfortable, to be sure, but it is what he needs right now. My other dog, Sadie, never developed a bond with Annie (or Gus, yet). She was a puppy mill mom, and she learned to keep other dogs away from her puppies. So, she is not grieving, but she is annoyed that Gus is getting so much attention and they are fighting. I find myself petting both simultaneously.

So, we wait, all of us, to get through this and know that on the other side, the hole will heal, and we will be left with fond memories of Annie.

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Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.