It was early Sunday morning in the park. A refreshing breeze wafted from the foggy river as the sun rose above the horizon. Joe was setting up his chess board at his usual bench, hoping to engage someone in a friendly match.
Soon enough, another old-timer comes along and asks Joe if he wants to have a game.
Joe: Sure. What’s your name?
Old-timer: Call me Don. I should warn you, though. I’m the best chess player that’s ever been. The only way I can lose is if you cheat.
Joe: Well, I’m not sure how one can cheat in this game, but I can’t miss the opportunity to play the best that has ever been. What’s your rating?
Don: 5000.
Joe: Really?! I’ve never heard of a rating for a human player above 2900.
Don: The international chess community has conspired to ignore me because I make all other players look like amateurs.
Joe (shaking his head): White or black?
Don: I prefer white.
Joe: Have a good game.
Don: Pawn to king four.
Several passersby ask if they can watch the match. No problem.
It’s forty-five minutes later.
Joe: Knight takes bishop, Checkmate. Can’t believe I’ve beaten the best that’s ever been.
Don: You didn’t win.
Joe: Your king is under attack, with no square to move to where he would not be under attack. Game over. How can you say I didn’t win?
Don: You cheated.
Joe: How?
Don: You must have made a couple of moves while I wasn’t looking.
Bystanders 1 and 2: Sir, we were watching the whole time, and we didn’t see him make any extra moves.
Don: You’re friends of his, aren’t you?
Bystanders 1 and 2: No, this is the first time we’ve visited this town.
Don: You took too long to move.
Joe: This was an informal game with no time limit for moves.
Don: I never agreed to that. You rigged the game.
Joe: Have you ever heard the words “sportsmanship” or “fair play”?
Don: I’ve heard of them. They’re words for losers.
Joe: Good grief! I didn’t know I was playing a nut case.
Don. You all heard that. I’m suing this guy for defamation. Joe, you old bag of bones, I’ll see you in court.
Bob Moores retired from Black & Decker/DeWalt in 1999 after 36 years. He was the Director of Cordless Product Development at the time. He holds a mechanical engineering degree from Johns Hopkins University
Write a Letter to the Editor on this Article
We encourage readers to offer their point of view on this article by submitting the following form. Editing is sometimes necessary and is done at the discretion of the editorial staff.